Pickin' & grinnin' in liberalville

Straight out of the Minneapolis PD - crime! right in the heart of liberalville, where the clipped haired, mean-faced women with dangly earrings reside. A 7/11/05 email alert from the Minneapolis police:

Thefts from persons are up recently due to suspects targeting shoppers in area stores. Victims have been reported in cases at Cub foods (60th/Nicollet) and Walgreen’s (54th/Lyndale). In these cases, the suspect engages a conversation with the victim, getting their full attention, while the other suspect lifts the wallet from an open purse or pickpockets the victim. Many of the shoppers don’t even realize anything was stolen until they are at the checkout register.

Suspects were arrested this weekend using a stolen credit card from one of these incidents. Even though arrests have been made, it’s important for shoppers to protect themselves against this crime.

Here are some tips to protect you from becoming a victim:

Carry your purse next to your body, with the flap or clasp towards you. Never leave it unattended in a shopping cart. (ed. - Always keep your Glock on your person, however)

A wallet should be kept in your front pocket, not your back pocket. (ed. - That's right, your back pocket is for your Shuriken throwing star)

Pay attention when someone approaches you with a simple question, like “do you know the time?” (ed. - Suggested response: "Do I look like a freaking clock?")

Consider leaving your purse at home! Carry your cash, credit cards and identification in your front pocket. (ed. - No, no - the backup Beretta goes in the front pocket)

If you become a victim, notify the store manager and report it to the police as soon as possible. (ed. - Shoot first, ask questions later. Victimhood is purview of liberals)


J******* N****
Crime Prevention Specialist
Minneapolis Police Department

And the suspects are...? Height? Weight? Race? Gender?? Anything??

And isn't the definition of a conservative a liberal who has been mugged? Maybe there's hope.